


The Dread Queen

by Nayster99



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, F/M, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-07 03:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17952659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayster99/pseuds/Nayster99
Summary: Corypheus is defeated, Ashalya Lavellan has her whole life ahead of her, and she’s starting it without Solas by her side. Left in the wake of his departure, as days drag into weeks it becomes harder and harder to ignore that she isn’t the only thing he’s left behind. Vowing to keep the unexpected pregnancy as secret as possible while rallying the Inquisition to continue its work after their massive victory, Ashalya navigates the new Thedas that she’s had a hand in shaping. At her side, not Solas, but a man who has been there for her every step of the way. As the Inquisition and its core circle presses onwards, searching for their missing friend and drawing closer to the events of Tresspasser, it becomes clearer and clearer that Ashalya has far harder choices ahead of her than taking up arms against a false god. (Author’s note: the plot isn’t solidified, but this will proooobably end up with Lavellan/Cullen?)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first voyage into fan fiction writing, was it wise to dive headfirst into Dragon Age? Probs not. Have I done it anyway? Yep. Please let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!

_ Prologue, Seven Months Ago _

 

She wasn’t sure if they’d been here for minutes or if Solas had in fact been indulging her for hours, but Asha knew as soon as she started paying attention the charade would be up. She hoarded every moment the apostate let his guard down around her, and if it meant pretending to be asleep, so be it. Sooner or later she’d show him there was no need to hide the many thoughts racing through his head.

 

“I know you’re awake.” Solas murmured, making no efforts to stop the progress his long fingers made combing through her hair. “Your eyelids are fluttering.”

 

Or not. Asha gave one last heavy sigh before opening her eyes. Perhaps she’d only ever see what he carefully curated and presented to the Inquisition. But this in itself was progress, the most relaxed he’d been since they’d started studying together. Since they’d brought...whatever was resting between them into the waking world, and not just into the Fade that day she’d kissed him.

 

She let loose another heavy breath. Another thing Solas had made no move to bring up during their time together.

 

“Something is troubling you.” Asha finally looked up, into the hazel eyes that now narrowed as they marked a passage in the book Solas was reading before he set it down and focused fully on her.

 

“Considering recent events, I think it would be more concerning if I was fine.” She let him play with her unbound strands of hair for a few moments longer before reluctantly sitting up. Her back instantly felt the chill of mountain air without the warmth offered by his lap, and not for the first time she wondered if she was destined to always live somewhere where her throat felt coated in frost when she inhaled. 

 

Solas blinked as Asha reached across his folded legs for the strap of leather he’d removed earlier, examining his now empty hand as if he’d been unaware of its actions while he read. Knowing him, it was all too likely, and this behavior would be monitored from now on.

 

“You have a lot on your shoulders, and you have handled those burdens admirably, but that is not what I was referring to.” He said at last, slowly tilting his head as she finished tying her hair back into its usual style. “Have I done something to upset you?”

 

Asha felt the words that would end the conversation dance across her tongue before she bit down on them, ending the trained reaction before it took over. In Orlais, every question about her was fielded into obscurity, the only personality she showed was one that got answers instead of gave them. She’d fallen back on that training when waking up in a dungeon in Haven, but now that she was Inquisitor, now that she needed the people closest to her to trust her with their  _ lives _ —now that she wanted Solas to let her into his, she would need to work against the instinct to be the liar the Baroness had created.

 

“Solas, no, of course not. You’ve done nothing wrong.” Asha flinched inwardly but smiled gently, and wondered what the elf she now knelt beside took from her features as she watched concern pull at his. “You’ve done exactly what you promised.” And he had. It was her that was worn thin with impatience, hoping that after their journey to the fade Solas would have given the possibility of something more between them all the consideration he needed. “You told me you needed time, and we agreed to try studying together, but we haven’t exactly talked since.”

 

At least not about anything personal. There was always the giant hole in the sky, or debates on Dalish civilization, but during their sessions they’d gone from opposite ends of the library to sharing a table to exploring the bookshelves in her personal quarters. Her desk was too small for both of them, so they’d settled for the floor. Shoulders touching, necks bent over the pages before them. And when a morning of training caught up with her...it had felt natural to rest her head in his lap and let the sun filter through her bedroom's many windows as it crept through the afternoon.

 

“Ah.” Solas coughed slightly, cheeks blooming pink, before taking a deep breath and meeting her eyes once more. His face was already schooled into practiced calm, but the blush remained. “I understand now. I assure you that our conversation is near the forefront of my thoughts.”

 

“Just the conversation?” Asha steeled herself against whatever words would follow her question. At Haven, in the Fade, he’d seemed frightened of her lips against his until he pulled her back in. Maybe, despite his words in the rotunda, he had weighed the possibilities and found her lacking.

 

“It would be kinder, in the long run.” Solas slowly, wonderingly, raised a hand, resting his fingertips against her cheekbone. “To take what has already transpired between us and keep it close in memory only.” There was intent in his touch now, and yet it contradicted the regret in his low voice.

 

There was room to persuade him, to show the man that had saved her life and brought the Inquisition to safety in Skyhold’s arms that she was worth fighting for.

 

“Solas.” She whispered, letting her hand rest on his elbow before following the path of his arm until it held his fingers in place against her cheek. “Making a choice for yourself is understandable, but if you’re doing it for both of us without showing me all of the cards, I can’t play this right either.” She could have sworn the hazel tones across from her shifted to something more golden, like her own eyes, as Solas shook his head slightly.

 

“I cannot.” He bit out, jaw clenching, eyes squeezing shut with such frustration that she almost let his hand slip from her hold. Almost.

 

“Heartache is my life now.” She spoke firmly, reached out her other hand to prevent him from turning away. “It’s the life of every man woman and child looking to the Herald of Andraste to save them when she couldn’t save their friends and neighbors because despite her, despite  _ me _ letting them down, I am the one with a glowing hand and a false god that hates me so it must mean  _ I’m _ the one that can stand against him, right?” 

 

Perhaps this was too much of a move against keeping everything bottled up, but now that Solas was trying to use the threat of something as constant as the pain that chased close behind her, nipping at her heels when she faltered, Asha found herself unable to give a single shit about whether or not her behavior was appropriate of the rank thrust upon her.

 

“Inquisitor…” Solas began, stopping when she let both of her hands fall.

 

“In the long run?” Asha asked, pressing the heels of her palms against tears she hadn’t felt well up, but now burned against her eyelids as the cold air sought them out and swept them away. “I could be dead tomorrow, killed by a flare up in the mark overnight. I could be dead next week, if Corypheus found even a hint of the trail we left here and decides that Haven was a slight best avenged sooner rather than later. If you’re going to be kind to me, Solas, you’re better off killing me before something else does.”

 

“You cannot know what you ask.” Solas sounded strained, barely holding onto the last tether of willpower he gripped so tightly. He let another thread of it go, extended his arms and enveloped her in his arms. “I assure you, your death would be no kindness.”

 

“Neither would making me walk towards it alone.” Asha felt the energy she’d restored during their time together seep from her bones until only constant, unrelenting exhaustion remained. Her knees ached from pressing into the grooved stone, and a chill crept from the floor throughout her entire body despite Solas’s arms around her.

 

She wanted his answer, but not like this. Not if it was given after watching her cry on the floor, for Maker’s sake. Besides, unless he took even longer to run their conversation through that unreachable mind over and over again like she feared she’d do when she closed her eyes tonight, he’d already given it to her. “I think that’s enough studying for today.” She murmured, averting her gaze as she rose, refusing to use his arms to brace her as her body protested against the sudden movement.

 

“Ashalya.” Her name, at last. But she did not want it, not his pity, never that. She wanted his smile when she asked about his travels, his laugh when Varric tricked Cassandra into drinking her coffee without sugar, his heart as he’d shown it to her weeks ago in but in the waking world as well.

 

“I’ll see you at dinner.” Her bed called to her, begged her to spend more than a few restless hours tossing within the confines of her sheets, but she forced herself to keep going, to walk with purpose down each step leading back to the Main Hall. If there was to be no help from him in combating the darkness threatening to overwhelm her when she thought of the task ahead, then she would not wait to rush into it.

 

***

 

_ Present Day _

 

But he had thought about it. Had let thing sit between them, scratched in stone until he’d kissed her on the balcony and declared losing her worse than whatever secret tragedy awaited.

 

Asha keeled over, emptying her stomach into the chamberpot and stared with empty eyes at the bookcase, wishing she could remember their conversation in front of it with any less amount of clarity. She was able to stop for a moment, breathe between the waves of nausea and sit straight. 

 

_ It would be kinder, in the long run. _

 

Solas’s words sounded just like him, his voice perfectly preserved in her memories as she watched the spot where they had almost ended things before they could truly begin. Her gut lurched, and her hands leapt from where they’d been carefully cradling her abdomen to clutch the rim of the pot.

 

She’d outlasted death, survived where Corypheus had fallen and made the life awaiting her span lengths she once would have laughed at. Fear, a demon she once thought his presence could keep at bay, crept closer, rose higher as she bent over once more and hurled. 

 

Solas might have disappeared, successfully fulfilled the prophecy he’d used to ward her off after that first kiss and left her with more than enough reason to call herself a fool. But with each morning that had greeted her since Corypheus’s defeat, Asha had begun to worry that he’d abandoned more than her.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit more on Asha's history with Solas (they didn't get along at first!) before a little bit more of her present. I'll try and give backstory every chapter or so to help paint a picture of the main game events, especially early on. Once again, thank you for reading!

Chapter 1:

_Ten Months Ago, Haven._

  
“Perhaps I could offer my assistance?” Asha lifted her head off of the table as a new voice glided over the sound of Maryden’s, sending cool prickles down her spine. It was impressive that the apostate’s words could affect her so greatly—especially given the smothering press of body heat against her skin generated by all of Flissa’s patrons—and yet all she could think about was the way his eyes had looked after grabbing her by the wrist and presenting her hand like an offering to that glowing green rift. Wild, hurting. Hungry.

  
She’d seen that look many many times at the Winter Palace, and yet never before had Asha feared it so instinctively.

  
“I’m sorry?” She lifted her hand, rubbed her cheek in a futile attempt to smooth out the skin, now uneven and indented from the warped wood. Had she been here that long? Solas paid little attention, neither to the poorly concealed glimmer of hostility behind her question nor her surely ridiculous appearance as he finished his approach and stopped just across from her, a small, bland smile on his face.

  
“You look troubled, I thought I might try and offer whatever counsel possible.” A smooth reply, given with the ease of someone far more used to socializing than his story led Cassandra and the others to believe. Asha bit back the retort struggling to escape from her lips, _how magnanimous of you_ , before she resigned herself to the conversation he seemed intent on having.

  
“Sit, please.” She waved her hand, unwilling to turn him away and provide fodder for later gossip. _The Herald of Andraste, uptight Dalish bitch, turned away the elf that saved her life, can you imagine?_ She’d come here in what she now recognized as a foolish attempt to show the people who looked at her with fear and wonder that she wasn’t anything special. Even elves with glowing green skin liked to go to bars. But no one had made an attempt to return her smiles with anything other than a frenzied bow or widened eyes, and so she had resigned herself to resting her head on a corner table. Listening to Maryden’s songs alone was still better than the silence offered by her room’s stone walls.

  
And now all at once she was exhausted, and putting off sleep before tomorrow’s journey to the Hinterlands no longer seemed appealing in the face of a male who made her skin crawl. The male in question of course, remained standing, giving her another one of those simple smiles.

  
“I thought perhaps we might talk outside, free from curious ears.” Whether or not he’d read her sudden desire to leave, Asha didn’t care. She’d let him walk back to the chantry with her, and then he’d have to say farewell. The amount of freedoms she’d been given since Cassandra and Leliana had started to believe her innocence had grown considerably, but she knew that the guards posted outside her door weren’t just for protection, and Solas clearly wasn’t the type to enjoy having his conversations overheard. She tilted her head, pretending to mull it over, and caught his gaze flicking for the briefest of moments to her left hand.

  
“If you want.” Asha hadn’t considered what the fledgling Inquisition members thought of her beyond Cassandra and Leliana, hadn’t particularly cared. Between waking up in the chantry’s dungeon and stopping the breach from expanding, there had barely been any time to process anyone’s opinions but theirs, and of course, Chancellor Roderick’s (which were impossible to ignore unless one was deaf). Solas had shown great interest in the mark, not her, and as she stood to follow him, ignoring the eyes that tracked her every move, she wondered if that was all he saw when he looked at her.

  
Wind whipped across her face in the seconds it took for Asha to cast a shield around herself, deflecting the unforgiving currents around her instead. Seconds later, she felt similar energy well up in front of her, and let her attention fall to Solas’s bare feet. Did he put magical protections over them as well? It certainly helped accomplish the wise old apostate look he was going for, and yet even something as small as that planted doubts in her mind. Surely he’d made enough in his lifetime for at least one pair of shoes. Not even the Dalish left their feet uncovered for too long, it was much harder to dance in the moonlight if your feet were bloody and battered. Sparing a glance over his shoulder, the elf slowed his pace until they were walking side by side.

  
“Seeker Cassandra informed me that I wasn’t selected to accompany you tomorrow.” He didn’t dance around his true intent, and Asha felt her eyebrows raise as she conceded a surprised blink. Their previous conversations up until now had been intricate interrogations, thinly veiled attempts to get each other to share more information than they were told, and she wondered if some part of his pride had been wounded by not being chosen. Perhaps he was finally ready to cut the act, reveal his true intentions in joining the Inquisition. “I thought perhaps you could talk to her and persuade her to reconsider.”

  
“You thought the reason I looked troubled just now was because you weren’t coming with us tomorrow?” Asha forced herself not to laugh, but nothing could be done about the incredulity seeping from her voice. “And your ‘assistance’ is suggesting that I bring you along?”

  
Solas plowed onwards, no longer looking at her. “I possess a lifetime’s worth of  knowledge related to the Fade that no Dalish Keeper could hope to match, and you have seen for yourself that I am useful in combat.” Asha sighed, stifled a yawn as they passed the apothecary’s cabin and braced herself. She didn’t trust him, no, but there was no need to be dishonest about this.

  
“Solas, I’m the one that told Cassandra you should stay.” He didn’t stop walking, but she could have sworn his perfect posture stiffened imperceptibly. Quiet. Then,

“Is it because I am not Dalish?”

  
This time, Asha didn’t bother to hide her frustration. “Maker’s breath, let’s say this only once and be done with it.” She stopped, planted her hands on her hips, and waited for hazel eyes to meet hers. “I debated the pros and cons of the Dalish with you the other day not because I am devoted to their lifestyle, but because I have lived with them long enough to know that not every accusation you throw at their feet holds merit.” She saw those eyes drift, knew he was taking in her tattoos, and raised a hand to draw his attention back. “Yes, I wear their marks.” She ignored the fact that she had begged not to receive them, starting that debate right now would help nothing. “But I have not lived with a clan since I was younger, and I do not consider myself to be Dalish.” She attempted to straighten her shoulders, but against his tall frame she doubted she looked intimidating. “I asked that you not join us because I don’t trust an apostate mage who appeared out of nowhere with timely information any more than the others do, not because I think _my_ hut in the woods is better than _your_ hut in the woods.”

  
“You are an apostate mage.” Solas didn’t miss a beat, and that same intensity that threw her off was now etched deeply into his face. “And you are going.”

  
“I have not practiced magic since I left the Dalish.” Asha fired back, feeling her chest loosen as she finally snapped back at someone in this godforsaken Inquisition instead of smiling prettily and proving her mild mannered innocence. “I am not the threat you or any others perceive me to be. I can do basic spells,” she gestured to the length of her body, kept safe from the wind, “and I do my best not to rely on even those.” Even now, her twin blades were strapped across her back, always within reach. No one at court had known she was a mage, she had made sure that no costumed vultures had ever been given reason to doubt. “Furthermore, the same mark you can’t stop looking at means that between the elven mages having this conversation, I am the more useful of the two.”

  
Solas looked at her, not the mark, not her tattoos, and smiled. A real one, nothing like what he’d shown her previously. “I had no idea you distrusted me so. Regardless, or perhaps in light of, it appears that I am rather helpful when it comes to helping you let off steam. Perhaps my assistance would be useful after all.”

  
Asha stared at the apostate, hoping desperately that she didn’t look like a fish caught on a hook. Had he baited her? Worse still, had he indeed made her feel better? Already, she could feel the headache she'd get stewing over this during the quiet moments of tomorrow's journey.

  
“I don't appreciate you disturbing the few hours I get to myself with ploys that turn me into a puppet.” She began slowly, her eyebrows folding downwards. “Were you truly interested in helping me, you should have tried an approach not centered around getting what you want out of me.”  She brushed past him, quickening her pace until the chantry doors were in sight Right as her hand lifted to push one open, Solas’s voice rang out again, this time crystal clear without the sounds of the tavern to blend with it.

  
“You might be more important than I, but you’d be dead twice now were it not for the help of someone tending to your mark. Whatever your goals are in the Hinterlands, Herald, I doubt you’ll get very far in accomplishing them without your life.”

  
“Is that a threat?” Asha hissed, whirled around, hand instinctively inching towards her back. The insufferable apostate merely smiled again. If he was laughing at her expense, it was just as good a reason to draw a blade.

  
“It is a peace offering.” He contradicted. “I keep you alive if the mark acts up, you let me join you in the Hinterlands. It does the Inquisition little good if you're dead, and just because the mark lies dormant now does not mean you're safe moving forward. Let me come, let me teach you how to use more than rudimentary spells to keep it at bay when it flares. If you still want nothing to do with me by the time we return to Haven, at the very least you will have learned enough to ensure my skills are no longer necessary.”

  
Stronger than the hatred she felt for his fascination with her mark, now once again front and center as he made his pitch, was Asha's hatred of the fact that Solas was right. It would be foolish to leave behind the one man who had proven capable in keeping her from succumbing to the new magic now flowing through her veins, a failure of her pride rather than his. That didn't mean she'd make it easy on him.

  
“I'll talk to her.” She clipped the words out as if they were dying flower blooms no longer fit for display. “But I make no promises.”

  
“I expect none.” And yet he was smiling again, as if he'd already won. “I look forward to working together, Herald.”

  
“Not for long.” Asha asserted, turning her back one last time and retreating within the chantry's walls.

  
How wrong she'd been.

***

  
_Present Day_

  
For better or for worse, Skyhold didn’t stop bursting with activity while its owner was in the middle of a crisis. She had an hour of free time left before an afternoon of meetings, all focused on planning the Inquisition’s next steps in the face of no clear enemy. Asha examined herself in the mirror, adjusted the burgundy scarf wrapped around her shoulders, and let her hair back down now that there was no danger of hunching over her chamberpot.

  
She detested the task awaiting her in these precious remaining minutes before she was expected to work, but there was no longer any benefit in pretending that her body was normal. Either she was unwell and needed a physician’s care, or…

  
She clenched her jaw, rolling her neck as she walked away from her reflection and down the stairs leading to the main hall. In between the memories that had haunted her ever since Solas’s departure, a list of names had cycled through her thoughts, each one with its own advantages and drawbacks. Confiding in any of the males was out, none of them were equipped to understand the concern tugging at her gut. Josephine would attempt to take it in stride and overcompensate, desperate to make sure she felt comfortable and as a result creating the opposite effect. Sera and Cassandra would both be too overcome with shock to offer any immediate advice, especially considering that her letter to the new Divine would be an unfair distraction amidst all her new responsibilities. Vivienne would no doubt have too many suggestions, and as she wracked her brain Asha struggled to remember if the Madame de Fer was even in Skyhold at the moment, or if she was back home.

  
No, there was only one person she could trust right now, only one person who dealt in every possible kind of secret and could therefore keep this one. Planting a smile on her face so that any who saw the Inquisitor would feel reassured in their newly-won victory and proud of the work being done, Asha began the trek to Leliana’s tower.

 


End file.
